As humans when we see a picture of a baby we automatically go, “aww how cute.” Their tiny, squishy bodies fill us with all the baby feels. They have cute toothless smiles, rolls for miles, and tiny hands that wrap sweetly around their parent’s fingers. That’s just a picture though. That picture only lasts about a few minutes in real life. Outside that picture babies are actually disgusting disasters. Cute, but disgusting. I’ll tell you why.
1. Poop. Never in my life did I ever think I would inspect poop so much. When our son was younger he had tummy issues so we were always staring at his poop, and at one point digging through it to inspect blood (no worries, we figured it out at that time). Then there are the explosions. They just flow out all sides of the diaper, and you go a little crazy wondering when the poop will end while getting it all over the place and you. There is also the accidental turd spillage. Somehow it just magically rolls off the changing table and before you know it you lost a turd…or your dog ate it ?.
2. Snot. Growing up I had a fear of other people’s boogers. Having a snotty boy helped me conquer those fears by diving head first in a pool of snot. When he was younger he was sick… A LOT. That means we got to be pros at sucking snot out his nose. We used the nose sucker thingy and while we did, strings of snot followed, then a pool of snot puddled after being dispensed onto a wipe. It never ends though, ever. There will always be snot and boogers.
3. Spit up. Sometimes spit up isn’t that bad, other times it doesn’t stop coming out and there is so much you don’t even know how all of it could be in a tiny body. Also, depending on the formula it could smell so bad. For example, our son is on Soy formula and everything about it stinks, so coming back up is awful.
4. Everything in the mouth. Every. Single. Thing. In. Mouth. It’s gross. GROSS! You better keep an eye on that babe when they can get crawling because they will put all the gross carpet specs in their mouth. I don’t know who is more gross, me or our son. The things he finds ??… dog bones, crumbs, where did that bowl come from? At least he didn’t eat the turd….right?
5. Crusts. The reason for including this is because if other people see this then they automatically think, “ew, dirty baby.” These people might not have a baby or are super clean, super powered humans. This is when you feed your sweet babe baby food, clean it off their face and head out the door. Once you’re out and about, you look at your babe and go –oh my lord! Orange everywhere! Orange crusts up the nostrils, on the cheeks, under the eyes… it’s in the hair! How did it get there!? The lighting in the house makes it look like your babe is sparkly clean, but no…it’s a lie.
Those are some pretty gross aspects of babies. I never thought I would deal with all of those things, but many of us have. And after having him, I just don’t care about those gross things…at all. I am pooped on, snotted on, spit up on, and a pro at sprinting across the room to get whatever that is out of his mouth. I can handle it all now. Never thought I could, but I can and it doesn’t bother me at all.
Why? Well, the answer is super obvious. LOVE. I love him and oddly enjoy taking care of the disgusting things that come with a baby. I also don’t care if people think my baby is gross or if I’m gross. Moms are also gross. There are a million stories out there of gross things moms have done for their sweet babies! I’ll enjoy continuing this gross, cute trend.